Journals20
Newest
suckiest. day. EVER.
1 min read
Glad my boy will come over soon.
I need something to punch.
I need something to punch.
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Cleaning up.
2 min read
Gittin' off my lazy ass,
and cleaning this acc up~
This will be, from now on, my 'serious' account.
I won't be doing dogs/furries/anthro's on this acc anymore,
i've got
for that. SO. IF YOU WANT TO COMMISSION ME, go there.
This also means, that i'll behave on this acc, if you know what i mean xD
It's purely to show people i don't want to be weired out my art.
Ofcourse i still appreciate comments, but i won't be roleplaying/fooling around as much anymore.
Again, Twinklebitch is for that.
I'd like to keep 8-bitCH 'proffessional' for as much as that's possible with such a username :'D
because, i still plan on making that pixelgame with a friend of mine!
This will also be the place i'll refer the people to for that~
I'm sorry if i get boring on this acc,
I will still be posting reasonable personal irl artsies~
And hey, maybe you'd like the game concepts~
Anyway, sorry for the bother, once again!
GET THE BROOM AND LET'S GET SWEEPIN'!
and cleaning this acc up~
This will be, from now on, my 'serious' account.
I won't be doing dogs/furries/anthro's on this acc anymore,
i've got
for that. SO. IF YOU WANT TO COMMISSION ME, go there.This also means, that i'll behave on this acc, if you know what i mean xD
It's purely to show people i don't want to be weired out my art.
Ofcourse i still appreciate comments, but i won't be roleplaying/fooling around as much anymore.
Again, Twinklebitch is for that.
I'd like to keep 8-bitCH 'proffessional' for as much as that's possible with such a username :'D
because, i still plan on making that pixelgame with a friend of mine!
This will also be the place i'll refer the people to for that~
I'm sorry if i get boring on this acc,
I will still be posting reasonable personal irl artsies~
And hey, maybe you'd like the game concepts~
Anyway, sorry for the bother, once again!
GET THE BROOM AND LET'S GET SWEEPIN'!
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IT'S DONE.
3 min read
my furry/faggot/stupid derp acc. To keep this one clean,
so i can show it to family/friends without having to explain every fucking thing/ be embarrassed/ be affraid they'd get weirded out.
SORRY AGAIN.
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Just some thoughts, a little venting.
8 min read
WARNING.
this probably makes no sense at all.
But that doesn't matter, because it's quite meaningless as well. not for me, but for you, as third person, reading this.
So don't feel stupid if you don't understand xd
I just want to vent out some of my thoughts,
since that way it'll make me feel at ease with them.
I want to say them, so i can forget them,
but forgetting them completely also scares me.
Like, it feels like i'm wasting precious memories or something.
That has always scared me.
So yeah, this is to make me feel more at ease with my thoughts.
Don't read on if you're in a hurry xd
So, i suddenly had to think about my grandma yesterday night,
and i couldn't help myself but to bawl my eyes out.
It can also be because it was late the night before,
and there might still me alcohol or meds involved,
but it can also simply be because i'm still not completely over her death.
I don't believe there is a God, But neither do i believe that the "souls"
of those that passed are erased forever from the surface of earth.
I talked about this matter a lot with my boy, and i think, due to his input,
that the most logical way of how a person dies, is that his body will become
nourishment to the trees and flowers (returning to the earth)
And that the 'soul' or 'spirit', i'd like to call it personality, go back as energy
to our universe. I just cannot grasp the idea that someone's personality,
that took an entire lifetime to become how it is, was erased forever. Completely gone.
I think, that that'll make me believe in reincarnation out of most religions. That is just my truth,
the way that makes me feel like i can understand what happens when you pass.
So the next thing i'm gonna say sounds really out of place and out of my believes,
out of my 'truth', but i'd really like to believe that those who passed away
are still among us. Maybe not in the fancy way TV and books depict it,
and maybe it sounds really stupid and childisch, and unrealistic,
but i'd really really like to believe it is possible. That a part of their 'soul' is still around those
it cared about.
My grandma, the way i would depict a soul, would be a blue butterfly.
Because, she once told me, But that was when she was already pretty far into the stage of destruction,
she was practically.. well, she was on the very heavy painkillers to ensure she'd have a peacefull ending,
so she was already in the stage of waiting for her end.. So, maybe she was just saying things. you know,
that she was so drugged up, that she was just saying things, but i'd like to believe that she ment it.
My grandma once told me that she really really liked blue roses. Blue flowers overall, but she also liked roses the most.
But, blue roses were a silly thing. It was silly of her to like blue roses. So, i felt like she told me about a
little insecurity about her, something she herself thought was 'silly' about her.
She also loved gardening and the still nature (especially flowers and plants) more than anything,
And at the same time she is so fragile. Especially after the cancer in her body took over.
But she's always been quite fragile by looks. Very quiet, and not the usual, fat cookie grannie stereotype sort of thing.
She was very loving ofcourse, and so sweet <3 She bought me my first tablet, for example.
Even though they have very very little money.
I think she is the only one in my entire family that actually liked my drawings.
That was even proud of me, that i drew. Wheater it be doggies or other random shit,
that i have an entire story of in my head, She'd love to listen. Just sitting there, and listening.
My grandma was the only person i was truly truly comfortable with with showing my drawings, before i had real good friends and got on deviant art. I felt accepted when i was with her, really at ease. Since i was so very weird to everybody else.
Nobody understood, My grandma probably didn't either. But at least she made me feel like that didn't matter.
That, if drawing made me more happy than anything else in the world, i should do it. That i cóuld do it.
That i was good at it. That same way, She made me feel, in one of her last days when she told me she liked blue roses, she made me feel that i was that kind of person to her, too. That she felt at ease enough to tell me something she found silly about herself..
That made me very happy. That she dared to share that with me, that made me feel so very special. That i ment that much to her.
So, a big blue butterfly is how i think her spirit would look like, if i would ever see it.
But, i wouldn't want to think about it as a guardian angel.
Not just because i really don't deserve one, but also, because i see guardian angels
as shields. And everytime it protects you, it cracks a little. If it isn't destroyed in one blow.
And i pull off so much sick, stupid stuff, I'd never want to break my grandma like that.
She doesn't have to protect me. Nobody i care about, actually.
Even though i do feel a lot like some 'thing' does. Especially now that i have my driverslicence,
There have been so many close calls already.. One time, i checked my phone. Stupid as i was.
It was when i drove home after i slept at my boy's house, it was really early and we had some drinks that night.
So when i looked up from my screen, i was going straight for that iron bar you see next to the road, you know?
and went into the grass sides that made me lose control.. So i basically just threw my steeringwheel to the left,
and i even heared scraping (or it was the adrenaline/fear), and yet i got back on the road safely,
didn't even as much as touch the other driverslane (with cars that drive the other direction than you, you know?),
because that way i'd still have a collission.. I still don't know how. That was the one time i really really don't believe i actually made it out without as much as a scratch,
and there were still 2 other times i still remember that i thought i was gonna hit something for sure..
I just really really hope i don't shoo my dear ones, that passed, away with my stupidness or something,
Like i said above, that i might break them, or their bond with me or something.. Because i'd really like to think that they are still here with me. Uhm, yeah. This probably sounds really stupid and childish, again.. But it's the way i'd like to think it is.
I just hope they're like, just there. Just making me feel that they're there.
I wouldn't want them to take blows for me. I don't deserve that. And neither do i want to think about the fact that i could be a burden to them even though they passed away already, that they even now can't feel peace.
I'd like the selfish thought that they're still around,
but on the other side, it would also make me really happy if they were on 'the other side' or something, that they really are in a peacefull environment. Or maybe be reborn.
In the end, I'd never find out unless i die myself. And i don't quite plan on that just yet, for the next 70 years or so.
This made me feel a lot better already. Uhm, I'm sorry if this was a bother to you,
and that you regret reading it.
If you did read it all, though, thank you for that.
I hope i didn't make you feel bad in one way or another.
I'd like to talk about this all, my feelings and thoughts,
But don't feel obligated to do so. Just typing this out,
and drawing my vision, already made me feel much much better.
Take care, and have a nice day.
Again, sorry for taking up so much space.
this probably makes no sense at all.
But that doesn't matter, because it's quite meaningless as well. not for me, but for you, as third person, reading this.
So don't feel stupid if you don't understand xd
I just want to vent out some of my thoughts,
since that way it'll make me feel at ease with them.
I want to say them, so i can forget them,
but forgetting them completely also scares me.
Like, it feels like i'm wasting precious memories or something.
That has always scared me.
So yeah, this is to make me feel more at ease with my thoughts.
Don't read on if you're in a hurry xd
So, i suddenly had to think about my grandma yesterday night,
and i couldn't help myself but to bawl my eyes out.
It can also be because it was late the night before,
and there might still me alcohol or meds involved,
but it can also simply be because i'm still not completely over her death.
I don't believe there is a God, But neither do i believe that the "souls"
of those that passed are erased forever from the surface of earth.
I talked about this matter a lot with my boy, and i think, due to his input,
that the most logical way of how a person dies, is that his body will become
nourishment to the trees and flowers (returning to the earth)
And that the 'soul' or 'spirit', i'd like to call it personality, go back as energy
to our universe. I just cannot grasp the idea that someone's personality,
that took an entire lifetime to become how it is, was erased forever. Completely gone.
I think, that that'll make me believe in reincarnation out of most religions. That is just my truth,
the way that makes me feel like i can understand what happens when you pass.
So the next thing i'm gonna say sounds really out of place and out of my believes,
out of my 'truth', but i'd really like to believe that those who passed away
are still among us. Maybe not in the fancy way TV and books depict it,
and maybe it sounds really stupid and childisch, and unrealistic,
but i'd really really like to believe it is possible. That a part of their 'soul' is still around those
it cared about.
My grandma, the way i would depict a soul, would be a blue butterfly.
Because, she once told me, But that was when she was already pretty far into the stage of destruction,
she was practically.. well, she was on the very heavy painkillers to ensure she'd have a peacefull ending,
so she was already in the stage of waiting for her end.. So, maybe she was just saying things. you know,
that she was so drugged up, that she was just saying things, but i'd like to believe that she ment it.
My grandma once told me that she really really liked blue roses. Blue flowers overall, but she also liked roses the most.
But, blue roses were a silly thing. It was silly of her to like blue roses. So, i felt like she told me about a
little insecurity about her, something she herself thought was 'silly' about her.
She also loved gardening and the still nature (especially flowers and plants) more than anything,
And at the same time she is so fragile. Especially after the cancer in her body took over.
But she's always been quite fragile by looks. Very quiet, and not the usual, fat cookie grannie stereotype sort of thing.
She was very loving ofcourse, and so sweet <3 She bought me my first tablet, for example.
Even though they have very very little money.
I think she is the only one in my entire family that actually liked my drawings.
That was even proud of me, that i drew. Wheater it be doggies or other random shit,
that i have an entire story of in my head, She'd love to listen. Just sitting there, and listening.
My grandma was the only person i was truly truly comfortable with with showing my drawings, before i had real good friends and got on deviant art. I felt accepted when i was with her, really at ease. Since i was so very weird to everybody else.
Nobody understood, My grandma probably didn't either. But at least she made me feel like that didn't matter.
That, if drawing made me more happy than anything else in the world, i should do it. That i cóuld do it.
That i was good at it. That same way, She made me feel, in one of her last days when she told me she liked blue roses, she made me feel that i was that kind of person to her, too. That she felt at ease enough to tell me something she found silly about herself..
That made me very happy. That she dared to share that with me, that made me feel so very special. That i ment that much to her.
So, a big blue butterfly is how i think her spirit would look like, if i would ever see it.
But, i wouldn't want to think about it as a guardian angel.
Not just because i really don't deserve one, but also, because i see guardian angels
as shields. And everytime it protects you, it cracks a little. If it isn't destroyed in one blow.
And i pull off so much sick, stupid stuff, I'd never want to break my grandma like that.
She doesn't have to protect me. Nobody i care about, actually.
Even though i do feel a lot like some 'thing' does. Especially now that i have my driverslicence,
There have been so many close calls already.. One time, i checked my phone. Stupid as i was.
It was when i drove home after i slept at my boy's house, it was really early and we had some drinks that night.
So when i looked up from my screen, i was going straight for that iron bar you see next to the road, you know?
and went into the grass sides that made me lose control.. So i basically just threw my steeringwheel to the left,
and i even heared scraping (or it was the adrenaline/fear), and yet i got back on the road safely,
didn't even as much as touch the other driverslane (with cars that drive the other direction than you, you know?),
because that way i'd still have a collission.. I still don't know how. That was the one time i really really don't believe i actually made it out without as much as a scratch,
and there were still 2 other times i still remember that i thought i was gonna hit something for sure..
I just really really hope i don't shoo my dear ones, that passed, away with my stupidness or something,
Like i said above, that i might break them, or their bond with me or something.. Because i'd really like to think that they are still here with me. Uhm, yeah. This probably sounds really stupid and childish, again.. But it's the way i'd like to think it is.
I just hope they're like, just there. Just making me feel that they're there.
I wouldn't want them to take blows for me. I don't deserve that. And neither do i want to think about the fact that i could be a burden to them even though they passed away already, that they even now can't feel peace.
I'd like the selfish thought that they're still around,
but on the other side, it would also make me really happy if they were on 'the other side' or something, that they really are in a peacefull environment. Or maybe be reborn.
In the end, I'd never find out unless i die myself. And i don't quite plan on that just yet, for the next 70 years or so.
This made me feel a lot better already. Uhm, I'm sorry if this was a bother to you,
and that you regret reading it.
If you did read it all, though, thank you for that.
I hope i didn't make you feel bad in one way or another.
I'd like to talk about this all, my feelings and thoughts,
But don't feel obligated to do so. Just typing this out,
and drawing my vision, already made me feel much much better.
Take care, and have a nice day.
Again, sorry for taking up so much space.
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
OH DEAR FU--
1 min read
okay.
okay, okay.
So,
I answered all my messages 10 days ago.
I answered -ALL- my 137 messages. not counting the faves/watches.
AND NOW I HAVE 110 MESSAGES AGAIN.
And now, don't get me wrong, I Love getting comments and stuff.
BUT I CANNOT HANDLE IT ANYMORE.
i TRY to answer all my messages,
thank everybody for everything and stuff,
but it get so time CONSUMINGSKDJLFFF--
Okay, i'm grumpy yes.
It's nice weather,
there's a big party close by,
all my friends are drunk,
AND I GOTTA WORK.
GODDAMNIT.
MY LIFE SUCKS.
okay, okay.
So,
I answered all my messages 10 days ago.
I answered -ALL- my 137 messages. not counting the faves/watches.
AND NOW I HAVE 110 MESSAGES AGAIN.
And now, don't get me wrong, I Love getting comments and stuff.
BUT I CANNOT HANDLE IT ANYMORE.
i TRY to answer all my messages,
thank everybody for everything and stuff,
but it get so time CONSUMINGSKDJLFFF--
Okay, i'm grumpy yes.
It's nice weather,
there's a big party close by,
all my friends are drunk,
AND I GOTTA WORK.
GODDAMNIT.
MY LIFE SUCKS.
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